Day 1, morning 1 + 10 minutes.
The McDonald's clerk beckons for number 175. Number 175, please come pick up your order. Number 175 . . . Bueller? Bueller? The dime hag approaches the clerk, saying, "I'm 175. But did you say 135?" Now, if the clerk had said 135, are you really willing to wait for 40 people to pick their McMuffin up before you get to? The assholes don't deserve to eat…..I think I'm edgy.
Day 2
I share with friends that I'm on the quest for health but worry about gaining more weight in the process. Dick emails me something along the lines of, "just because you don't have a cigarette in your mouth doesn't mean you have to shove a pizza in there," and I begin to fantasize about things I could shove in his trapper to head off further helpful commentary.
Day 3
I read someplace that it helps to think of yourself as a nonsmoker. I am a nonsmoker. I am a nonsmoker. That really felt good. I am a nonsmoker who would sell her eggs and her body for one cigarette, would agree to baby sit your litter and help your oldest build his baking soda volcano for just one precious lungful. I'd even take a dreaded generic.
Sometimes there is nothing like Marlboro country, whether you smoke or not!
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