~Confessions of a Redneck Princess~

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

No, Virginia, there is no Santa Claus!



I feel like one of the greatest gifts I've ever given my punks is honesty. They have always known that there is no Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy. And if you ask them, an allowance is a myth as well. The punks know that the only reason for the season is Jesus Christ. The punks understand that he wasn't born on December 25th and can show you where scripture supports that truth as well. What the punks do know is that a lie can do damage that can never be undone and that it destroys trust. That's not to say that we don't celebrate by giving gifts. You see the punk's CHRISTmas wish list is comprised of gifts to give others. We will spend CHRISTmas day by serving food to the homeless, as the gift of charity is another thing they've learned is important. Don't get me wrong, the punks get gifts but they've learned the important of giving to others, as the GREATEST gift we as Christians have ever received is the gift of life!






If you’ve wondered, “What is the history of the Christmas traditions?”… well, here you go.
Many of our modern Christmas traditions began hundreds of years before Christ was born. Some of these traditions date back more than 4000 years. The addition of Christ to the celebration of the winter solstice did not occur until 300 years after Christ died and as late as 1800, some devout Christian sects, like the Puritans, forbade their members from celebrating Christmas because it was considered a pagan holiday. So what is the history behind these traditions?




The Christmas Tree
This is derived from several solstice traditions. The Romans decked their halls with garlands of laurel and placed candles in live trees to decorate for the celebration of Saturnalia. In Scandinavia, they hung apples from evergreen trees at the winder solstice to remind themselves that spring and summer will come again. The evergreen tree was the special plant of their sun god, Baldor.



Gift Exchanging
The practice of exchanging gifts at a winter celebration is also pre-Christian and is from the Roman Saturnalia. They would exchange good-luck gifts called Stenae (lucky fruits). They also would have a big feast just like we do today.


Mistletoe
Mistletoe is from an ancient Druid custom at the winter solstice. Mistletoe was considered a divine plant and it symbolized love and peace. The tradition of kissing under the mistletoe is Druid in origin.



Yule log
The Scandinavian solstice traditions had a lot of influences on our celebration besides the hanging of ornaments on evergreen trees. Their ancient festival was called Yuletide and celebrated the return of the sun. One of their traditions was the Yule log. The log was the center of the trunk of a tree that was dragged to a large fireplace where it was supposed to burn for twelve days. From this comes the twelve days of Christmas.


December 25th
Even the date of Christmas, December 25, was borrowed from another religion. At the time Christmas was created in AD 320, Mithraism was very popular. The early Christian church had gotten tired of their futile efforts to stop people celebrating the solstice and the birthday of Mithras, the Persian sun god. Mithras’ birthday was December 25. So the pope at the time decided to make Jesus’ official birthday coincide with Mithras’ birthday. No one knows what time of year Jesus was actually born but there is evidence to suggest that it was in midsummer.

Roman pagans first introduced the holiday of Saturnalia, a week long period of lawlessness celebrated between December 17-25.  During this period, Roman courts were closed, and Roman law dictated that no one could be punished for damaging property or injuring people during the week long celebration.  The festival began when Roman authorities chose “an enemy of the Roman people” to represent the “Lord of Misrule.”  Each Roman community selected a victim whom they forced to indulge in food and other physical pleasures throughout the week.  At the festival’s conclusion, December 25th, Roman authorities believed they were destroying the forces of darkness by brutally murdering this innocent man or woman.





Santa Claus
Nicholas was born in Parara, Turkey in 270 CE and later became Bishop of Myra.  He died in 345 CE on December 6th.  He was only named a saint in the 19th century.

Nicholas was among the most senior bishops who convened the Council of Nicaea in 325 CE and created the New Testament.  The text they produced portrayed Jews as “the children of the devil” who sentenced Jesus to death.

In 1087, a group of sailors who idolized Nicholas moved his bones from Turkey to a sanctuary in Bari, Italy.  There Nicholas supplanted a female boon-giving deity called The Grandmother, or Pasqua Epiphania, who used to fill the children’s stockings with her gifts.  The Grandmother was ousted from her shrine at Bari, which became the center of the Nicholas cult.  Members of this group gave each other gifts during a pageant they conducted annually on the anniversary of Nicholas’ death, December 6.

The Nicholas cult spread north until it was adopted by German and Celtic pagans. These groups worshiped a pantheon led by Woden –their chief god and the father of Thor, Balder, and Tiw. Woden had a long, white beard and rode a horse through the heavens one evening each Autumn.  When Nicholas merged with Woden, he shed his Mediterranean appearance, grew a beard, mounted a flying horse, rescheduled his flight for December, and donned heavy winter clothing.

In a bid for pagan adherents in Northern Europe, the Catholic Church adopted the Nicholas cult and taught that he did (and they should) distribute gifts on December 25thinstead of December 6th.

In 1809, the novelist Washington Irving (most famous his The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and Rip Van Winkle) wrote a satire of Dutch culture entitled Knickerbocker History. The satire refers several times to the white bearded, flying-horse riding Saint Nicholas using his Dutch name, Santa Claus.

Dr. Clement Moore, a professor at Union Seminary, read Knickerbocker History, and in 1822 he published a poem based on the character Santa Claus: “Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.  The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in the hope that Saint Nicholas soon would be there…”  Moore innovated by portraying a Santa with eight reindeer who descended through chimneys.

The Bavarian illustrator Thomas Nast almost completed the modern picture of Santa Claus.  From 1862 through 1886, based on Moore’s poem, Nast drew more than 2,200 cartoon images of Santa for Harper’s Weekly.  Before Nast, Saint Nicholas had been pictured as everything from a stern looking bishop to a gnome-like figure in a frock.  Nast also gave Santa a home at the North Pole, his workshop filled with elves, and his list of the good and bad children of the world.  All Santa was missing was his red outfit.

In 1931, the Coca Cola Corporation contracted the Swedish commercial artist Haddon Sundblom to create a coke-drinking Santa.  Sundblom modeled his Santa on his friend Lou Prentice, chosen for his cheerful, chubby face.  The corporation insisted that Santa’s fur-trimmed suit be bright, Coca Cola red.  And Santa was born – a blend of Christian crusader, pagan god, and commercial idol.




So, if you are celebrating any of the western traditions of Christmas this year, remember that you are actually enjoying the rituals and activities of several ancient religions whose traditions have been borrowed by the Catholic Church (and most Christian Churches) over the years for the celebration of the birth of Christ.   


So let it be known that there should only be one reason for the season: 
JESUS CHRIST!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

All I Want For Christmas Is You (My Chemical Romance Version).....






Since Christmas is fast approaching, I'm makin' a list and checking it twice. However, this list isn't a list of what I'm going to get my loved ones. This is a list of what I want, my hearts desires, if you will.


So here it goes:


- I want a lottery ticket that's the big winner. I want that sucker to be worth a hundred mil. I actually play the lottery when I can remember to buy a ticket and always the same numbers. This weekend I won $47 and so now I'm jonesin' for the big one. If you're gonna dream, go big!


- I want a foo foo dog. Some cute little purse sized pooch that will be a nice companion for me while at the same time filling that nurturing void left by two sons who are growing up (too fast) and becoming less cuddly. I want to put bows in its fur or rhinestones on its collar and dress it in cute little clothes…..I want another Shih Tzu.


- I want a new drug, that gives me patience, so I don't want to kill every stupid person who crosses my path.


- I want a force field for around my pickup. I have had three accidents (two small fender benders, one more significant wreck) during the last two years, none of which were my fault. Prior to that? No accidents since I was twenty. Guess I was making up for lost time this year. Anyway, as expected, my insurance rates went up over $300 a year! So yea, a force field would be appreciated.


- I'd like a pool boy. Sure I don't have a pool anymore, but don't go gettin' all technical on me.


- I'd like a grandchild. BUT, I don't want either of my son's to father a child just yet. I don't know how you are going to work the logistics of this out, but it'd be cool if you could swing it somehow. We have my friend Andrea to thank for this. All I wanna do is hold Cinch and smell his little head but I haven't been able to this yet!


- I'd like a Girl Friday. Seriously, if someone could just come in once a week and run my errands, I'd be in heaven. As it is, I'm buried in hell ….and my errands won't wait.


- I want tickets to every decent concert that comes to town along with every sporting event known to man (at no charge!). I used to have season tickets to OSU's football games, but damn, they're expensive and I let my seats go. Wouldn't you know, they have the best season in years and no tickets. I have been to more concerts this year than ever before and good tickets are expensive…Heck, Crappy tickets are expensive….so this would be a great gift!


- I'd like to marry either George Clooney or Gary Allan. You decide, either works for me.


- What the heck, while I'm asking for the impossible could I throw in a request for a transporter? I hate driving (even more so since the whole wreck flurry), I am a typical woman driver, and it would be so efficient to just transport around here and there. By the way, if it could be a global transporter, all the better. Thanks.


- I want another new drug, that is all natural, cures that gettin old feeling, and keeps my boobs perky as a side effect.


- I'd like a maid who only uses the laundry soap, fabric softener, and dryer sheets I like. One that folds my clothes the way I like, the towels so they fit in the cabinet, and who hangs the linens on the line to dry, before ironing them and putting them away.


- I'd like a basement. I adore my little house, but I'd adore it even more if it had a basement.


- I'd like a membership to a local gym that caters to women only. You're going to have to build this gym because one that caters to women only does not exist within a reasonable distance to my house.


- I'd like to marry Kevin Costner or Val Kilmer. I have no real preference here, whichever you can strong arm into it.


- I'd like a lamp with a genie inside. Not a Barbara Eden type genie, I'll take the bald, buff genie dude like Vin Diesel or since I actually prefer older men, how about Bruce Willis, thankyouverymuch. I rub the lamp, he comes out and rubs my back and feet. Enough said.

- I'd like a nice ring to wear on my wedding finger since I lost my former one in a cattle pasture somewhere, I am hoping it will come with powers that repel douche bags, dumb asses, and posers. So far nothing else is working. It maybe my last hope......

- Truthfully, I have everything I need and consider myself more blessed than most. All I really want is the love of my life to show up this year….Really, not too much to ask for, is it?




The three things I lusted for this year, so if your feeling generous just let me know and I'll send you my address! :)






How about you? What's on your list?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Cowboy's Ten Commandments




translated the "King James" into "King Ranch" language: Ten Commandments, Cowboy Style.)

(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another feller's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.