Since Christmas is fast approaching, I'm makin' a list and checking it twice. However, this list isn't a list of what I'm going to get my loved ones. This is a list of what I want, my hearts desires, if you will.
So here it goes:
- I want a lottery ticket that's the big winner. I want that sucker to be worth a hundred mil. I actually play the lottery when I can remember to buy a ticket and always the same numbers. This weekend I won $47 and so now I'm jonesin' for the big one. If you're gonna dream, go big!
- I want a foo foo dog. Some cute little purse sized pooch that will be a nice companion for me while at the same time filling that nurturing void left by two sons who are growing up (too fast) and becoming less cuddly. I want to put bows in its fur or rhinestones on its collar and dress it in cute little clothes…..I want another Shih Tzu.
- I want a new drug, that gives me patience, so I don't want to kill every stupid person who crosses my path.
- I want a force field for around my pickup. I have had three accidents (two small fender benders, one more significant wreck) during the last two years, none of which were my fault. Prior to that? No accidents since I was twenty. Guess I was making up for lost time this year. Anyway, as expected, my insurance rates went up over $300 a year! So yea, a force field would be appreciated.
- I'd like a pool boy. Sure I don't have a pool anymore, but don't go gettin' all technical on me.
- I'd like a grandchild. BUT, I don't want either of my son's to father a child just yet. I don't know how you are going to work the logistics of this out, but it'd be cool if you could swing it somehow. We have my friend Andrea to thank for this. All I wanna do is hold Cinch and smell his little head but I haven't been able to this yet!
- I'd like a Girl Friday. Seriously, if someone could just come in once a week and run my errands, I'd be in heaven. As it is, I'm buried in hell ….and my errands won't wait.
- I want tickets to every decent concert that comes to town along with every sporting event known to man (at no charge!). I used to have season tickets to OSU's football games, but damn, they're expensive and I let my seats go. Wouldn't you know, they have the best season in years and no tickets. I have been to more concerts this year than ever before and good tickets are expensive…Heck, Crappy tickets are expensive….so this would be a great gift!
- I'd like to marry either George Clooney or Gary Allan. You decide, either works for me.
- What the heck, while I'm asking for the impossible could I throw in a request for a transporter? I hate driving (even more so since the whole wreck flurry), I am a typical woman driver, and it would be so efficient to just transport around here and there. By the way, if it could be a global transporter, all the better. Thanks.
- I want another new drug, that is all natural, cures that gettin old feeling, and keeps my boobs perky as a side effect.
- I'd like a maid who only uses the laundry soap, fabric softener, and dryer sheets I like. One that folds my clothes the way I like, the towels so they fit in the cabinet, and who hangs the linens on the line to dry, before ironing them and putting them away.
- I'd like a basement. I adore my little house, but I'd adore it even more if it had a basement.
- I'd like a membership to a local gym that caters to women only. You're going to have to build this gym because one that caters to women only does not exist within a reasonable distance to my house.
- I'd like to marry Kevin Costner or Val Kilmer. I have no real preference here, whichever you can strong arm into it.
- I'd like a lamp with a genie inside. Not a Barbara Eden type genie, I'll take the bald, buff genie dude like Vin Diesel or since I actually prefer older men, how about Bruce Willis, thankyouverymuch. I rub the lamp, he comes out and rubs my back and feet. Enough said.
So here it goes:
- I want a lottery ticket that's the big winner. I want that sucker to be worth a hundred mil. I actually play the lottery when I can remember to buy a ticket and always the same numbers. This weekend I won $47 and so now I'm jonesin' for the big one. If you're gonna dream, go big!
- I want a foo foo dog. Some cute little purse sized pooch that will be a nice companion for me while at the same time filling that nurturing void left by two sons who are growing up (too fast) and becoming less cuddly. I want to put bows in its fur or rhinestones on its collar and dress it in cute little clothes…..I want another Shih Tzu.
- I want a new drug, that gives me patience, so I don't want to kill every stupid person who crosses my path.
- I want a force field for around my pickup. I have had three accidents (two small fender benders, one more significant wreck) during the last two years, none of which were my fault. Prior to that? No accidents since I was twenty. Guess I was making up for lost time this year. Anyway, as expected, my insurance rates went up over $300 a year! So yea, a force field would be appreciated.
- I'd like a pool boy. Sure I don't have a pool anymore, but don't go gettin' all technical on me.
- I'd like a grandchild. BUT, I don't want either of my son's to father a child just yet. I don't know how you are going to work the logistics of this out, but it'd be cool if you could swing it somehow. We have my friend Andrea to thank for this. All I wanna do is hold Cinch and smell his little head but I haven't been able to this yet!
- I'd like a Girl Friday. Seriously, if someone could just come in once a week and run my errands, I'd be in heaven. As it is, I'm buried in hell ….and my errands won't wait.
- I want tickets to every decent concert that comes to town along with every sporting event known to man (at no charge!). I used to have season tickets to OSU's football games, but damn, they're expensive and I let my seats go. Wouldn't you know, they have the best season in years and no tickets. I have been to more concerts this year than ever before and good tickets are expensive…Heck, Crappy tickets are expensive….so this would be a great gift!
- I'd like to marry either George Clooney or Gary Allan. You decide, either works for me.
- What the heck, while I'm asking for the impossible could I throw in a request for a transporter? I hate driving (even more so since the whole wreck flurry), I am a typical woman driver, and it would be so efficient to just transport around here and there. By the way, if it could be a global transporter, all the better. Thanks.
- I want another new drug, that is all natural, cures that gettin old feeling, and keeps my boobs perky as a side effect.
- I'd like a maid who only uses the laundry soap, fabric softener, and dryer sheets I like. One that folds my clothes the way I like, the towels so they fit in the cabinet, and who hangs the linens on the line to dry, before ironing them and putting them away.
- I'd like a basement. I adore my little house, but I'd adore it even more if it had a basement.
- I'd like a membership to a local gym that caters to women only. You're going to have to build this gym because one that caters to women only does not exist within a reasonable distance to my house.
- I'd like to marry Kevin Costner or Val Kilmer. I have no real preference here, whichever you can strong arm into it.
- I'd like a lamp with a genie inside. Not a Barbara Eden type genie, I'll take the bald, buff genie dude like Vin Diesel or since I actually prefer older men, how about Bruce Willis, thankyouverymuch. I rub the lamp, he comes out and rubs my back and feet. Enough said.
- I'd like a nice ring to wear on my wedding finger since I lost my former one in a cattle pasture somewhere, I am hoping it will come with powers that repel douche bags, dumb asses, and posers. So far nothing else is working. It maybe my last hope......
- Truthfully, I have everything I need and consider myself more blessed than most. All I really want is the love of my life to show up this year….Really, not too much to ask for, is it?
The three things I lusted for this year, so if your feeling generous just let me know and I'll send you my address! :)
How about you? What's on your list?
The three things I lusted for this year, so if your feeling generous just let me know and I'll send you my address! :)
How about you? What's on your list?
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