There are times I bite my tongue because I know some people want to hear what they want to hear and truly, not what I think. Last night was one of those times and as bad as I wanted to say something, I really think my ex-husband needed to hear, I remained silent. Unlike me, I know.
Since then, I've been considering the things that I wish I could say to certain people, if I knew I wouldn't have another chance. How cliché. Morbid even. And selfish. But perhaps it's also cathartic. The upside of being down is that, at times, it offers some clarity that otherwise may not have been realized. And if nothing else, that's a place to start. Although by no means an exhaustive list, this is where I would begin:
I know I'm not supposed to have a favorite, but you have always, will always, be mine.
I'm still hurt by what you said to me when I was fifteen. I haven't forgotten it. I never will. It has strained our relationship immensely. But I still love you more than I should.
We have never met, but I imagine that you think of me as often as I think of you.
Call more often. One day we will need each other. Don't forget about me.
I'm not sure that I believe in the idea of a soul mate. But if I did, you would be it.
What you want can't be found where you've been looking. Nonetheless, I hope you find it. And, remember settling isn't the answer.
I know what you said and it hurt me deeply to hear about it. But I'm trying to understand.
I want you to stop treating me like I'm your sister, and start treating me like a friend.
I wish I could be a better version of myself around you. I fight with you (and get mad at myself) because I love you. In my own way. I just don't know how to tell you that.
I stopped talking to you because I thought you were selfish. I'm sorry. I hope we can still be friends.
You are my biggest what if and I hope I get the chance to see you again one day.
I don't know how you live with yourself. You are delusional and self-absorbed. The reason your relationships never work is because you have the personality of a wet rag and once men find out that you use sex as a weapon, they're just not that into you.
I wish my heart was as big as yours. You have taught me more about kindness than anyone else I know.
I miss you. I still remember the way that you smell – like Halston and shaving cream. How cold your hands always were. I wish we could have had more time together as I grew up. I will miss you.
I suppose these examples are proof, that somethings ae just better left unsaid......
