~Confessions of a Redneck Princess~

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

No, Virginia, there is no Santa Claus!



I feel like one of the greatest gifts I've ever given my punks is honesty. They have always known that there is no Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy. And if you ask them, an allowance is a myth as well. The punks know that the only reason for the season is Jesus Christ. The punks understand that he wasn't born on December 25th and can show you where scripture supports that truth as well. What the punks do know is that a lie can do damage that can never be undone and that it destroys trust. That's not to say that we don't celebrate by giving gifts. You see the punk's CHRISTmas wish list is comprised of gifts to give others. We will spend CHRISTmas day by serving food to the homeless, as the gift of charity is another thing they've learned is important. Don't get me wrong, the punks get gifts but they've learned the important of giving to others, as the GREATEST gift we as Christians have ever received is the gift of life!






If you’ve wondered, “What is the history of the Christmas traditions?”… well, here you go.
Many of our modern Christmas traditions began hundreds of years before Christ was born. Some of these traditions date back more than 4000 years. The addition of Christ to the celebration of the winter solstice did not occur until 300 years after Christ died and as late as 1800, some devout Christian sects, like the Puritans, forbade their members from celebrating Christmas because it was considered a pagan holiday. So what is the history behind these traditions?




The Christmas Tree
This is derived from several solstice traditions. The Romans decked their halls with garlands of laurel and placed candles in live trees to decorate for the celebration of Saturnalia. In Scandinavia, they hung apples from evergreen trees at the winder solstice to remind themselves that spring and summer will come again. The evergreen tree was the special plant of their sun god, Baldor.



Gift Exchanging
The practice of exchanging gifts at a winter celebration is also pre-Christian and is from the Roman Saturnalia. They would exchange good-luck gifts called Stenae (lucky fruits). They also would have a big feast just like we do today.


Mistletoe
Mistletoe is from an ancient Druid custom at the winter solstice. Mistletoe was considered a divine plant and it symbolized love and peace. The tradition of kissing under the mistletoe is Druid in origin.



Yule log
The Scandinavian solstice traditions had a lot of influences on our celebration besides the hanging of ornaments on evergreen trees. Their ancient festival was called Yuletide and celebrated the return of the sun. One of their traditions was the Yule log. The log was the center of the trunk of a tree that was dragged to a large fireplace where it was supposed to burn for twelve days. From this comes the twelve days of Christmas.


December 25th
Even the date of Christmas, December 25, was borrowed from another religion. At the time Christmas was created in AD 320, Mithraism was very popular. The early Christian church had gotten tired of their futile efforts to stop people celebrating the solstice and the birthday of Mithras, the Persian sun god. Mithras’ birthday was December 25. So the pope at the time decided to make Jesus’ official birthday coincide with Mithras’ birthday. No one knows what time of year Jesus was actually born but there is evidence to suggest that it was in midsummer.

Roman pagans first introduced the holiday of Saturnalia, a week long period of lawlessness celebrated between December 17-25.  During this period, Roman courts were closed, and Roman law dictated that no one could be punished for damaging property or injuring people during the week long celebration.  The festival began when Roman authorities chose “an enemy of the Roman people” to represent the “Lord of Misrule.”  Each Roman community selected a victim whom they forced to indulge in food and other physical pleasures throughout the week.  At the festival’s conclusion, December 25th, Roman authorities believed they were destroying the forces of darkness by brutally murdering this innocent man or woman.





Santa Claus
Nicholas was born in Parara, Turkey in 270 CE and later became Bishop of Myra.  He died in 345 CE on December 6th.  He was only named a saint in the 19th century.

Nicholas was among the most senior bishops who convened the Council of Nicaea in 325 CE and created the New Testament.  The text they produced portrayed Jews as “the children of the devil” who sentenced Jesus to death.

In 1087, a group of sailors who idolized Nicholas moved his bones from Turkey to a sanctuary in Bari, Italy.  There Nicholas supplanted a female boon-giving deity called The Grandmother, or Pasqua Epiphania, who used to fill the children’s stockings with her gifts.  The Grandmother was ousted from her shrine at Bari, which became the center of the Nicholas cult.  Members of this group gave each other gifts during a pageant they conducted annually on the anniversary of Nicholas’ death, December 6.

The Nicholas cult spread north until it was adopted by German and Celtic pagans. These groups worshiped a pantheon led by Woden –their chief god and the father of Thor, Balder, and Tiw. Woden had a long, white beard and rode a horse through the heavens one evening each Autumn.  When Nicholas merged with Woden, he shed his Mediterranean appearance, grew a beard, mounted a flying horse, rescheduled his flight for December, and donned heavy winter clothing.

In a bid for pagan adherents in Northern Europe, the Catholic Church adopted the Nicholas cult and taught that he did (and they should) distribute gifts on December 25thinstead of December 6th.

In 1809, the novelist Washington Irving (most famous his The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and Rip Van Winkle) wrote a satire of Dutch culture entitled Knickerbocker History. The satire refers several times to the white bearded, flying-horse riding Saint Nicholas using his Dutch name, Santa Claus.

Dr. Clement Moore, a professor at Union Seminary, read Knickerbocker History, and in 1822 he published a poem based on the character Santa Claus: “Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.  The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in the hope that Saint Nicholas soon would be there…”  Moore innovated by portraying a Santa with eight reindeer who descended through chimneys.

The Bavarian illustrator Thomas Nast almost completed the modern picture of Santa Claus.  From 1862 through 1886, based on Moore’s poem, Nast drew more than 2,200 cartoon images of Santa for Harper’s Weekly.  Before Nast, Saint Nicholas had been pictured as everything from a stern looking bishop to a gnome-like figure in a frock.  Nast also gave Santa a home at the North Pole, his workshop filled with elves, and his list of the good and bad children of the world.  All Santa was missing was his red outfit.

In 1931, the Coca Cola Corporation contracted the Swedish commercial artist Haddon Sundblom to create a coke-drinking Santa.  Sundblom modeled his Santa on his friend Lou Prentice, chosen for his cheerful, chubby face.  The corporation insisted that Santa’s fur-trimmed suit be bright, Coca Cola red.  And Santa was born – a blend of Christian crusader, pagan god, and commercial idol.




So, if you are celebrating any of the western traditions of Christmas this year, remember that you are actually enjoying the rituals and activities of several ancient religions whose traditions have been borrowed by the Catholic Church (and most Christian Churches) over the years for the celebration of the birth of Christ.   


So let it be known that there should only be one reason for the season: 
JESUS CHRIST!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

All I Want For Christmas Is You (My Chemical Romance Version).....






Since Christmas is fast approaching, I'm makin' a list and checking it twice. However, this list isn't a list of what I'm going to get my loved ones. This is a list of what I want, my hearts desires, if you will.


So here it goes:


- I want a lottery ticket that's the big winner. I want that sucker to be worth a hundred mil. I actually play the lottery when I can remember to buy a ticket and always the same numbers. This weekend I won $47 and so now I'm jonesin' for the big one. If you're gonna dream, go big!


- I want a foo foo dog. Some cute little purse sized pooch that will be a nice companion for me while at the same time filling that nurturing void left by two sons who are growing up (too fast) and becoming less cuddly. I want to put bows in its fur or rhinestones on its collar and dress it in cute little clothes…..I want another Shih Tzu.


- I want a new drug, that gives me patience, so I don't want to kill every stupid person who crosses my path.


- I want a force field for around my pickup. I have had three accidents (two small fender benders, one more significant wreck) during the last two years, none of which were my fault. Prior to that? No accidents since I was twenty. Guess I was making up for lost time this year. Anyway, as expected, my insurance rates went up over $300 a year! So yea, a force field would be appreciated.


- I'd like a pool boy. Sure I don't have a pool anymore, but don't go gettin' all technical on me.


- I'd like a grandchild. BUT, I don't want either of my son's to father a child just yet. I don't know how you are going to work the logistics of this out, but it'd be cool if you could swing it somehow. We have my friend Andrea to thank for this. All I wanna do is hold Cinch and smell his little head but I haven't been able to this yet!


- I'd like a Girl Friday. Seriously, if someone could just come in once a week and run my errands, I'd be in heaven. As it is, I'm buried in hell ….and my errands won't wait.


- I want tickets to every decent concert that comes to town along with every sporting event known to man (at no charge!). I used to have season tickets to OSU's football games, but damn, they're expensive and I let my seats go. Wouldn't you know, they have the best season in years and no tickets. I have been to more concerts this year than ever before and good tickets are expensive…Heck, Crappy tickets are expensive….so this would be a great gift!


- I'd like to marry either George Clooney or Gary Allan. You decide, either works for me.


- What the heck, while I'm asking for the impossible could I throw in a request for a transporter? I hate driving (even more so since the whole wreck flurry), I am a typical woman driver, and it would be so efficient to just transport around here and there. By the way, if it could be a global transporter, all the better. Thanks.


- I want another new drug, that is all natural, cures that gettin old feeling, and keeps my boobs perky as a side effect.


- I'd like a maid who only uses the laundry soap, fabric softener, and dryer sheets I like. One that folds my clothes the way I like, the towels so they fit in the cabinet, and who hangs the linens on the line to dry, before ironing them and putting them away.


- I'd like a basement. I adore my little house, but I'd adore it even more if it had a basement.


- I'd like a membership to a local gym that caters to women only. You're going to have to build this gym because one that caters to women only does not exist within a reasonable distance to my house.


- I'd like to marry Kevin Costner or Val Kilmer. I have no real preference here, whichever you can strong arm into it.


- I'd like a lamp with a genie inside. Not a Barbara Eden type genie, I'll take the bald, buff genie dude like Vin Diesel or since I actually prefer older men, how about Bruce Willis, thankyouverymuch. I rub the lamp, he comes out and rubs my back and feet. Enough said.

- I'd like a nice ring to wear on my wedding finger since I lost my former one in a cattle pasture somewhere, I am hoping it will come with powers that repel douche bags, dumb asses, and posers. So far nothing else is working. It maybe my last hope......

- Truthfully, I have everything I need and consider myself more blessed than most. All I really want is the love of my life to show up this year….Really, not too much to ask for, is it?




The three things I lusted for this year, so if your feeling generous just let me know and I'll send you my address! :)






How about you? What's on your list?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Cowboy's Ten Commandments




translated the "King James" into "King Ranch" language: Ten Commandments, Cowboy Style.)

(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another feller's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.

Monday, November 22, 2010

A Thanksgiving Invitation




To All Our Family and Friends:

Just a note to let you know we are hoping to see you Thanksgiving Day. But….
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised.

Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:
Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Mickey Mouse plate and the green napkins from last CHRISTmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.
Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.
Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.

I hope you aren't too disappointed that Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Manic Monday: Drunk Dialing and Drunk Texting


1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement.

2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex. "Mom I'm in McDonald's and they're playing our song. I love you."

4. Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn't want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M. asking to bend them over something.

5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.

6. Drunk texting is alright...if you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober.

7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover they've ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.

8. You can also call this same ex and let them know, that you know, that they still love you. Then explain to them that I would still love me too!

9. If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad if someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.

10. It is always a good idea to sing on someone's answering machine or voicemail. Especially a show tune.

11. Drunk dialing should be fun and light-hearted or dirty and sex crazed... Never angry.

12. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem".

13. If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.

14. Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.

15. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend's phone to do your dialing.

16. Drunk dialing to foreign country is usually too costly to be a good idea. But if you feel like if you don't call this person you'll just die, brake rule 15 and use a friend's phone.

17. Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing....Be prepared.

18. When dialing remember that "hanging out" at 3 in the A.M. usually doesn't involve cards, it's probably going to be more like cheap lube and handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do want to play X-Box when you're drunk..."You want me to do what with your box? Play with it?"

19. Don't drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when you're far to drunk to be using electronics and you won't be able to drunk dial anymore that night.

20. Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher, grandpa, or friend's parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, there are 800 numbers on Budweiser boxes. The person on the other line always sounds cute, plus I think they are used to drunk dialers.

http://www.drunkdial.org/

There are many types of drunk dials, here are the most common:

1) The Close Friend Call: This is usually just to let the person know how WASTED you are and how much you LOVE them and to let them know that they have to work at 8 AM and its now 4 AM.

2) The Acquaintance Call: This is acceptable and should last no more than 63 seconds. This is someone that you don't talk to on a regular basis, and for good reason - but you still felt the need to call them at 2:45 in the morning to tell them they are "missin' out on this KILLER party".

3) The Booty Call: This category has the most to gain but the most to lose. It is totally within reason to call your f*ck buddy at 4 AM... but it is NOT acceptable to call them 20 times and leave 5 voicemails. News flash - cell phones have caller ID! And P.S. your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends probably don't want to here from you 'fake drunk crying' explaining how much you miss them, how big of a mistake it was to break up, or even to bitch them out - also, their new significant other probably won't appreciate it much either : )

4). The angry drunk dial. Anyone who has annoyed or pissed you off... or anyone that you just want to basically tell that they are lame and have no life, and that you really don't like them, and you try to explain that it's not that you don't like them because you are currently drunk, but that you have never really liked them.

  And let's not forget drunk texting!
 
Don't Dial App, which allows you to block the usual recipients of your drunk dials (or texts, or emails) for whatever period of time you chose. (I would imagine 2am to 4am is the most designated time.) You can even make a friend your "designated dialer" for the evening with a handy password feature. (Though hopefully your friend isn't going to prank call your boss or anything.)

While these apps are neat (there's even a phone with a built-in breathalyzer), here are a few other things that could benefit from a function that prevents you from using them while intoxicated.

Facebook
You've just come home from the bar. That last vodka soda was a bad idea, and you haven't eaten anything since lunch. Time to get on Facebook and look up old boyfriends. That always ends well. Or maybe you decide to leave a flirty message on your office crush's page. Whoops, every coworker you're friends with has now seen it. Facebook needs a "drunk app" that will pop up a bunch of warnings if you log on while hammered. "Are you sure you want to proceed? How much have you had to drink tonight? Do you really need to be looking up that guy you made out with once at a New Year's party in college? He probably has kids now."`

iTunes
I can't tell you how many times I've passed out drunk, only to wake up to find, say, the entire Toto catalog mysteriously downloaded to my iTunes. It must be elves. Elves who just have to have the live version of "Hold the Line."  

High School YearbooksSure, leafing through old high school yearbooks while blitzed might start out as a harmless trip down memory lane. But pretty soon you're reliving old gym class traumas and wondering why Katie didn't write more on your senior page. Did she really hope you'd "stay sweet"? Seems pretty insincere. Time to look her up on Facebook and write something nasty on her page.  

Twitter

Twitter needs a "drunk app," if for no other reason than to reduce the number of "I'm so drunk right now!" Tweets. Though if you prevented people from Tweeting while drunk, the site would pretty much be a ghost town.

Boxes of Old Photos
Aww, look! It's a photo of you and your high school pals at an amusement park. That's nice. And there's your jerky ex whose photo you still keep for some reason. Better write him a long message on Facebook and open old wounds. And here's a picture of your mom holding you when you were a baby. And...here come the tears. 

Any album by Leonard Cohen
I'm not entirely sure how this app would work. Maybe your phone would fire an electrical pulse or something whenever you're within ten feet of a Cohen album while tipsy. I love Cohen as much as the next guy, but listening to "So Long Marianne" while loaded is a one-way ticket to cry-town. The app would also work for songs by Jeff Buckley, Nick Drake, and Kermit the Frog's rendition of "The Rainbow Connection." 
 
Domino's Pizza Tracker
Have you seen this thing? It's on Domino's website and gives you real-time updates as your pizza is being made. There's even an iPhone app for it.

dominos_pizza_tracker-250.jpgWhat we need is an app that checks to see if you're sober enough to be ordering from Domino's. See below.  

"Your order has been placed. There is still time to turn back."

"Prep. Seriously, why are you paying $14 for cheesy tomato bread? Microwave a Hot Pocket and go to bed."

"Bake. There's still time to call and cancel! Do you really want to wake up next to a greasy Domino's box, the congealing cheese a reminder of the many, many mistakes you made last night?" 

"Quality check. This isn't actually happening. We just put this here for legal reasons."

"Out for delivery. It's not too late! Just don't answer the door. You're drunk, you passed out. Wait, what are you doing? Are you adding hot wings to your order?? No!!!!" 
 
 
http://textsfromlastnight.com/
http://www.mobiletopsoft.com/pocket-pc/download-dudler-drunk-dialing-assistant-1-0.html

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Talk To Me Tuesday........In Another's Eyes




10 Things I'd Like to Say (Anonymously)
to 10 People Right Now

1. What possessed you?  Why did you ever get involved with that piece of trash?
2. You're beautiful, intelligent, strong, and funny...why can't you see that?
3. Why are you so angry? You have everything that's important- don't you?
4. You're a big, fat, freakin liar! Not to mention delusional!! For someone so smart you really are ate up with the dumb ass! Did you real think you could pull that off?
5. You're a very sad, pitiful lil fella and I'm so glad you are out of my life.  I just wish I had seen it earlier.
6. You are the most manipulative, cheatin, conniving woman I ever met. 
When you lost everything....You had it comin!
7. You should never screw with a woman who is smarter than you.
8. You just need to open your eyes- everyone can see what's going on but YOU!
9. I am so glad our paths crossed, but I really miss you now that you aren't in my life.
10. Dammit, I said I wasn't going to say this but: I freakin TOLD YOU SO!


9 Things About Me

1. I'm a serial monogamist.
2. Cattlemen are my weakness.
3. Closely followed by horsemen.
4. Then calf ropers.
5. I am a card carrying member of MENSA.
6. I workout at the stables 20-30 hrs/wk.
7. I have a serious shoe/purse fetish.
8. The F-Bomb rolls off my tongue when I get kicked.
9. Every hour of every day I do kegels exercises: 25 per hour, it pays.


8 Ways to Win My Heart

1. Being a real man who is secure. Extra points given for cowboys or ranchers.
2. Unprompted admiration of my "nails" or my shoes.
3. By sending flowers which ARE NOT from the freakin supermarket.
4. Understandin that I am ornery and getting that I am prideful, it's my downfall.
5. Knowin the perfect place to watch a sunset.
6. Knowin the right words and when to say them.
7. Livin an integrity filled life.
8. Givin great hand/foot massage.

7 Things that cross my mind quite often

1. Sex (it sucks being celibate!)
2. Makin time after supper to go out and see the beauty in the world from my front porch.
3. Shoe shoppin.
4. Why I had to learn love from someone other than my parents.
5. How Much I love watchin a cowboy work.
6. That I have such a blessed life.
7. What it would be like to have a marriage like my grandparents.


6 Things I do Before Bed

1. Return the last of the days emails and phone calls.
2. Fold the clothes in the dryer while watchin TiVo'd Reality Trash TV.
3. Shower, moisturize, brush, and floss.
4. Check on the punks.
5. Set alarm clock.
6. Read my Bible and Pray.


5 People that Mean a Lot to Me

Jesus Christ
Brooks
Rowdy
Kendle
Andrea



4 Things I am Wearing Right Now

1. Bijan
2. CND Solar Butter
3. Diamonds
4. My lucchese gators



3 Songs I Listen to All the Time

1. Alabama by Cross Canadian Ragweed
2. Waitin on a Woman by Brad Paisley
3. She's More by Andy Griggs



2 Things I Want to do Before I Die

Publish a Novel
Have a life-long love story


1 Confession

I like knowin that I don't think the same way as most of the people I know because I actually do like myself and think its funny that people settle for so little.



*You've just been tagged!  Take a minute to do the survey in my comments section and let me hear your 10 things!*

Sunday, October 24, 2010

That Girl Is A Cowboy............













There's just somethin about this time of year. In terms of cattle ranchin, it couldn't be any busier: shippin cattle, weanin calves—every day for two weeks straight. Poor babies bawlin for their mommas, day and night! In terms of housework: weedin out all the summer clothing and too-small jeans, locatin and inventoryin the myriad of winter gloves, hats, boots, earmuffs, because if I wait until the temperature is eight degrees and it's 5:00 a.m. and I'm on my way out the door with my two punks, neither of whom can handle the cold, it'll be a problem.

As for gardenin: cleanin out the last of my tomatoes and herbs, which are now black and droopin to the ground after four nights of hard freeze.
Not to mention the daily grind of laundry, dirty dishes, and laundry.

Then there are the upcoming holidays: Halloween costumes to wrangle, treats to make, trick-or-treatin in town (will post on that later this evening!). Refrigerators to clean out in preparation for Thanksgiving food, cloth napkins to dig out from the depth of the ironin basket, where they've been languishin since last Christmas, I think.

Not to mention the daily grind of school. Sometimes I think I'm entirely responsible for my punk's minds. Not to mention the fact that I have been the Homeroom mom every year as long as I can remember!

There's Christmas on the horizon; I want to start shoppin so I can make wise and un-hurried choices, but I'm having a hard time gettin started. I have my list, but every day I consider shoppin online for Christmas gifts…then don't, because I have so many other things that need to get done. So I'll avoid it for awhile, until I can't avoid it any longer.
I'm going low-key for Christmas this year. I just feel like it…..Remind me I said that in two months.

Then there's the trip: I'm leavin soon on a trip. It's a big trip, and important one, and there's a lot to prepare for—I'll tell ya'll about it soon. But first I have to buy crap to kill the Chinese lady beetles that have swarmed our house and power bars and make sure my oldest has jeans that don't come up above his ankles. He's growin up too fast.
There's the ice maker that's broken, the skylights that leak, the shingles that blew off one of the barns, the trash the dogs overturned last night, and an impending doctor's appointment tomorrow. And I say this with a grin, I don't think they'll be makin me wait to see the Doc tomorrow. Than heavens for small blessings.....

I might ignore it and see if it goes away.

But most of all, there's joy. Because I have animals in my life…and beauty everywhere I look…and clothing…and shelter as the weather turns cold, A couple of friends who kinda like me, Punks who call me Mom-mom, and the fact that they haven’t drug my ass off to a FEMA camp yet!

I still don't like ironin napkins, though. So I don't think I'm going to do it this year. Yeah, right…..





Sunday, October 3, 2010

Thursday 13.....13 Frequent Thoughts That Cross My Mind When I Meet Someone New





13 Frequent Thought That Cross My Mind When Meeting Someone New

 1.  Why yes, I am rolling my eyes at you.

 2.  And this pertains to me because?
 3.  I wonder where he found that dirty legged tramp.

 4.  No, this isn't the Bohemian Cowgirl Salon. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
 5.  Please don't play the victim. I don't have time to explain the difference between the truth and what you want to hear.

 6.  Apparently, this dumb ass has a crack pipe busted smooth off in his ass, if he really thinks I am buying this line of bullshit.
 7.  Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again? And by the way, you will fall for me.

 8.  There's no way in hell I am taking your check, let alone a postdated one. In God I trust, all others pay cash!
 9.  The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

10.  Why yes, Yes I am a bitch. Just not yours. Are you new here?
11.  I'm a bullshitter myself but occasionally, I like to sit back and listen to an expert. Please Continue.

12.  It's okay to hate me. I'm sure I talk shit about you anyways. Jealous much?

13.  My eyes are right here. Yes, they're real. Yes, they're fabulous. And yes, your boyfriend/husband was looking.